There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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