theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
