I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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