Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I intend to get homeless drunk
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
