i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
