Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
