i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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