How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
