Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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