I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
