Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
