Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
