Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
