I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
