you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
