You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
