Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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