if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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