She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
