I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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