Your face is a jimmy john
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
