Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
