Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
