Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
