haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
