just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
