cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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