He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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