and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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