your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
