I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
