About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
