anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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