Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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