He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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