just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
