apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
