All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
