sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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