if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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