these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
