I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How's work?
Spinning.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
