There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
