im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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