You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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