party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
