Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
