wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
