I got chris browned last night
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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