If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
